Society is conditioned to fear change. Since this is so ingrained into the mindset, that is where the struggle comes in for most. When a person feels they have no control over change,it depletes ones confidence and self esteem, it causes stress,unhappiness, resentment, and leads to living an unfulfilled life. It is a perception, that one doesn't have control. Any individual can make a conscious choice to take control of their own lives and change anything they want. It is the perceived fear they have no control, and they must conform, that causes the struggle with change. So how does one change this?
-Realize you have choice, and stop telling yourself you don't - This is a common issue that causes some of the challenge with change. People often feel they don't have a choice, and use all their energy in negativeemotions that harm an individual physically, emotionally, in business and in relationships. When a change is present, ask yourself better questions and realize your solutions are notjust A or B. There is an entire alphabet of possibilities...get creative and FIND new solutions that feel right inside.
-Recognize when you have any negative emotions around change, it is a sign you are at the "effect" of change, and not being at "cause". When we feel at the effect of something, we feel we have no control. The choice in this situation is to be a victim, or, embrace and find new opportunities within the change. Keep searching your mind for solutions that feel really good inside. Strive for win/win solutions. That is a sign you are making a good decision.
-Do not discuss the negative emotions you may feel around change, with others that are complaining. It is a default setting within us to flock together with like minded people. The last thing you want to do when you feel negativity is to have a pity party with someone else. This is where so many steer wrong. It becomes a contest of who's situation is the worst. We have all heard phrases like "misery loves company", or "you think that's bad, listen to this". You will NOT find productive solutions by complaining with others that are complaining along with you. This is the time to dig deeper within yourself, or seek advice from someone that you know is either experienced in this area or has out of the box, positive, creative and innovative thinking.
-CHOSE to be positive and solution oriented -Even if you have not been up to this point, you CAN shift your thinking and become more solution oriented. We believe what we tell ourselves. If we are telling ourselves there are no solutions and we have to just accept this is the way it is, and we are expressing negative emotions, we will believe what we are saying and thinking. You CAN make a CONSCIOUS choice to override your past way of thinking, and choose to become more positive and solution oriented. Surround yourself with people that are positive and solution oriented. Remember whoever we surround ourselves with, will influence our own thinking.
Here is an example of a change I have been dealing with personally, that will demonstrate this.
The neighbor behind us has a dog that barks hysterically, high pitched, non-stop whenever they are outside. Last summer was the first year they had the dog, so we came to accept that it was a pup and not yet trained. This summer it hasn't changed. No one ever tells the dog to stop barking. This is one of those things that drives me crazy, and last year when it started, instead of reacting and yelling at the neighbors to keep their dog under control (which many years ago would have been my reaction), I decided to turn up my music when this happens, so I can't hear it. Up until today, that seemed like a solution. However, I was reflecting on it as I was working by the pool and the dog wouldn't stop barking. Being as I was working, it occurred to me that I also find my music very distracting when I am working and in deep thought or conversations. I don't typically turn on music when I am working so I can really be present in what I am doing.
I reflected and asked myself what else can I do? This isn't solving the challenge by turning up my music, and quite frankly, MY actions are probably ticking off other neighbors. As I was reflecting on this and asking myself these questions, for the first time, I heard the lady say "Buddy, no". This was the first time in 2 years I heard anyone correct this dog. Immediately I had my answer.
When we were teaching our dog not to bark at every little thing, we came across an idea that worked perfectly. You get a squirt bottle and fill it with water. When the dog barks, tell it "no barking" and if it doesn't stop, give it a little squirt. It doesn't hurt the dog, but they don't like it. It doesn't take long at all for them to learn. Once they do, if they are barking at something inappropriate, you just call their name, hold up the squirt bottle and firmly say, no barking. This worked perfectly for us...our little dog only barks if someone comes to the door.
So, tomorrow, I am going to knock on their door when we are out for our walk, and say that I heard them attempting to stop Buddy from barking, and want to share an idea that worked for us.
I feel GREAT about this. The solution of turning up my music was still leaving me feel ticked off inside that I was "at effect" of someone else's actions, or in this case, lack of action. With this new solution, I feel "at cause", with a true win/win solution.
Although this is a basic personal example, the strategy works every time in any kind of situation. It is the THINKING that makes the difference. The end result is you will feel great you found a solution that is win/win which builds confidence, self esteem, and personal certainty, it eliminates the stress, resentment, unhappiness, and the physical effects that go along with this, which allow you to feel better inside. THAT is a sign you are on the right track.
Debbie Ruston - Entrepreneur - International Trainer, Visionary Leader